Moving on.

As I have mentioned many times before, I am moving out soon and getting my OWN place! I couldn't be more freaking excited. I am going to start packing boxes today and it is going to be an absolute bitch, but it's going to be entirely worth it.

Kellen is still sick with mono and has been asleep all day which is okay because I have tons of stuff to get done today.

My grandparents are giving me $500 for graduation which is going towards a new washer and dryer form my apartment (or I should start saying Kellen and I's apartment).

I sent out graduation announcements this morning, it make me feel like I was sending out highschool announcements, time has literally flown by and I can't believe that I graduate real college in two weeks. It's amazing.

Kellen has started his work with the insurance stuff for my job. He will or should have a Florida insurance license by the end of next week which is the same time that he will meet my boss and be with me at conference...12 hour days ugh.

I'm so excited that I have found him and I'm excited that my life is going so wonderfully right now. Of course there are many negatives...Rachel hates every choice I have made in the past two months, fuck her. Erica doesn't like them either, fuck her too. I don't have many friends anymore and the ones I do have they aren't even that close to me.

I guess friends don't really matter when you have the strength inside yourself to get through what you need to get through.

:)

Today:

Signed the application and paid the fee for my first apartment!!! I have saved up enough money to finally move out on my own!!!

Found out that the convention for work will be great because Kellen will be with me :)

Moving out a week before I graduate college!!!!!!!!

Stress anyone?

I'm pretty stressed out lately.

The Walls Are Broken Down

Halo by Beyonce

Remember those walls I built

Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound


I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now


It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out


Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace


You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away


I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light


I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again


Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out


Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace


You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away


I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo


Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace


You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

⚜ ☮ ❤ ✿

I'm driving Kellen's car home today because I hit a median this morning and he was worried about my car being unsafe so he drove all the way over here to give me his car and take mine to get it fixed (there's nothing wrong with it). That's something I have never had before, someone care about something so small and stupid but so big at the same time. I am so happy that someone cares about me, about every aspect of me, and worries about my safety (other than family).

I can't wait to move away with Kellen and start a real life with him, not a living-with-my-family life. I will drain my savings and literally starve to death to do it. Last night was a breaking point for me; my mother is a loon and should be put away sometimes. I can't deal with her anymore especially when I have proven that I WILL be something someday but evidently that doesn't really matter.

My job is a cluster. I'm being taken advantage of. I do way too much work for them, I should be getting paid much more but it's a start and it's going to be a really great reference one day. I'll be rich in a huge house with a housekeeper and someone to go grocery shopping for me while I get my nails done. Yeah, that's what this shit is all about.

So, I'm a little worried about being pregnant. It's always been a worry for me no matter what. This time though I was less than careful. It's weird though, if by some horrible chance that it were to actually happen I think life would still go on and be okay. I already feel like Kellen has my back and wouldn't let anything happen to me. I think that he would be an amazing father and with him I would be an amazing mother. Granted, I still don't know if I want kids EVER, but if it does happen I feel the most comfortable with him on the subject. Weird.

Snyder's Class of '06 5 year reunion is coming up. Hahaha. The world will shit when Kellen and I walk in together. Can't wait for the pure mayhem! :) I'm so happy it's ridiculous.

Blah

"I never told you what I should have said, I never told you, I just held it in".

Next time, when I feel the need to say what I feel, I will hold it in. Being told "I might feel the same way, it's just way too soon and I've been hurt in the past" is like being told um, thanks but no.

My heart is broken a little right now but I guess its my own fault for letting my heart get so involved so early.

I've done so much for him just because I want to, because I care. I never really thought about showing him that I love him by doing all of the things that I do, I just do them because he deserves it and for him to say that he might feel the same hurts me more than it really should. I'm numb right now because I feel so dumb for doing so much....perhaps for nothing.....I don't know.

I want to be able to detach. To just be in the moment. Hate this.

I like you

It's like a little piece of heaven when you stay.....

Now I know the sun will only shine, the clouds will go away, that's how you make me feel, that's how you make me feel today....

You're like a little piece of candy on my tongue...so much fun...

I think I like you...I think you like me too....

Let's keep dreamin and wishin this way, growing up stoned, takin enough time to play.

Love is all that matters at the end of the day...that's how you make me feel...

Thank you for making me feel this way...