Lazy Saturday

It's Saturday afternoon and the boy's asleep. He worked nights this past week and so he's beat to death right now. We went out this morning to a bunch of random places and spent some time together. I really like it when we just do nothing or when we just kind of explore the area that we live around, it's nice to learn what's going on.

I really want to go to a shooting range soon, I even got directions and everything :) He says that I'll be scared but I feel like it's not only something that I should seriously learn but that it's something that is on my bucket list and I would like to scratch it off. :) We shall see.

We may go to a casino later. I've never been before so it should be interesting.

Well...until we meet again.

NFL

The man had the weekend off so we went to the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. It's cooler because it's only 45 minutes from our house :)

Anywho, I really only like football because he does and I have to admit sometimes it's fun, but it's more fun because he gets so excited :D It was pretty cool seeing it though, never thought I would be able to see something so famous (other than the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, etc haha). We also bought tickets for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame :)

Grateful

I definitely don't say things like this enough:

I am so proud to love a Navy vet. It makes me cry every time I stop and really think about what he did for this country and what he has personally endured. He and I may not have the most romantic or emotional relationship in the world but what we do have is true and strong and I'm proud of that. We are spoiled brats, we both have only child syndrome, and we both are as selfish as they come but we are proud of each other no matter what and I do have to say that I don't say these things enough.

No matter what happened to him in the Navy and after, I'm still proud, I think anyone that knows him, that really knows, him feels the same way. He has grown and changed ten fold in the past few years and he is a great guy that I'm happy to know and love :) I don't really ever tell him things like this because he's so humble it makes him uncomfortable but I feel like it should be voiced in some medium rather than just run through my brain all the time.

I love the kid ;)

Day....

I've been in Ohio for almost 2 weeks and it's been going pretty well. He and I celebrated our one year a couple of days ago and when I say celebrated that just means that it existed a couple of days ago, we didnt do anything to actually celebrate it. Anywho, he and I are good, just truckin along as usual. I've been really busy lately just trying to settle in and figure out how to do things for others again and not focus so much on myself. So today I went food shopping and did the laundry and fixed the cable and mailed letters and.....blah.

I do miss Florida very much but I think over time I will really like it here and things will get easier, especially if I can find a job!

Countdown

I move to Ohio to be with him in 5 days. That is so scary I can't even descibe how I'm feeling right now. I can't wait to see him and I can't wait to start a better future but the whole moving so far away from everything I've known is really super scary. I know that I can come home at any time if I need to, I just have to get totally used to another home and completely move away from this one. He is worth every second of stress and hard work that this has taken and I am really excited to start something new...BIG HUGE CHANGES ARE COMING!!!

I am sad to be leaving my friends and family behind, it makes me really sad when I think about it, but then I think about the rest of my life and how I can't live for other people and I feel so much better. Like he always says you have to look out for number one and that's what all of this is about...me and him both equally as number 1 in my hear tand I'm following that. Cornball.

I hate moving, the process is just awful and I really don't want to ever do it again. I'm happy with the decision that I have made and I cannot wait to see my boy again..he's awesome and I miss him....it's going on 27 days since I've seen him...insane.

Went to see Hodgie last night, he's a sad little person. Rachel and I felt so bad for him we just sat on the floor and watched a movie because we didnt want him to be lonely haha.   He gave me a hug and said that he might bever see me again, but that I'm making the right choice and not let life pass me by. New chapter is about to start.

Day 23

It's been 23 days since he moved to Ohio. It's been quite rough and a lot has been going on. I'm scheduled to move up there in 8 days and I'm really scared.

I love him very much and I cannot wait to be with him again but I'm going to miss my family and friends so, so much. I know that if I don't go to Ohio I will wonder forever what if, what could have been and so on...but I'm just scared that I'll go up there and miss everything back in Florida so much that I'll put myself in a funk.

I learned from New Hampshire that homesickness is very hard to deal with but at least then I knew that it was not permanent..Ohio is and I'm very worried.

He and I are a very strong and devoted couple who will fight through and work through anything, we have been doing just that for almost a year so I think we can handle it. I didn't think that I would be so sad about it, about leaving everything behind. I will have to say my final goodbyes next week..some I have to say tomorrow....I'm already crying thinking about it.

I need to always remember what he has done for me, how much he means to me, and if I could live without him (which I can't). If I do that then it should be easier to say goodbye to all of the people that I love so very much.

Day 15

It's been 15 days since he's been gone and shit has hit the fan with every single thing. My last day at work is in four days which is fine, my apartment will be gone soon, which is also fine, and my family is falling about..which is not fine. I am still moving to Ohio in 15 days and counting, I'm really excited about it. I miss him and I miss my life being a certain way and I know that I can better myself up there. Maybe go back to school, something...I'm not sure.

So now I sit here in bed watching Gossip Girl...gotta get all of the girlie shows the he hates out of my system before I get up there :) Ugh I miss my boy!!!

Day 10 & 11

Last night was terrible. My mom was missing, no one could find her, and she had my uncle's car. So we were all freaking out. I called him spazzing out and he called my family and spoke to them all and told them how great he's doing, I guess to calm their nerves about me going up to be with him soon.

Anyway, so my mom finally showed up at my uncle's piss drunk at 11 last night. He dragged her out of the car, called Jack to come get her and we thought everything was ok. I called my gram this morning and she told me that Jack had beaten her and that they had to go and get her from the ER last night at midnight. WTF. So she initially told me that the police hauled his ass off to jail last night but actually they went out to his house today and he turned himself in. So he's in jail at least until tomorrow afternoon. I hope he gets raped and brutally beaten.

I can't help but feel like all of this shit is my fault because I'm moving again but I have to grow up and do things just like everyone else. I have to learn to be independent and I want to be with the one that I love and he is not here.

I know that everything will be okay but I still feel like the root of everything is that I am the center of their world (that's not trying to be bratty).

Day Ten

He's been gone 10 whole days now, and it's official that I'm moving to Ohio on Feb 4th. I actually put in my two weeks' notice two days ago at work and I am SO excited to be leaving here.

I gotta start cleaning the apartment and making sure all of the loose ends are tied. It sucks.

Day Five

It is currently day five of Ohio Ho! My grandparents told me last night that they would follow me up there in their camper, help me move, and get my car ready for the long drive. They're very excited about the entire thing because they realize that it's MY life, not theirs. He wasn't very thrilled about it because he thinks my car is unsafe but he's full of it because now he's saying OUR apartment and still that includes us both up there.

I pretty much told Jane that I won't be here much longer, that I've been highly weighing my options and Ohio seems like the best option and that I will make that decision very soon.

I'm very excited to start a new life with him and make it really, really work this time. I need to find a job but that's something that I can continue to work on until the day I leave.

Day Four

He's been in Ohio for four days now and I have made the final decision to move up there at the end of this month. So, I have around 20 days to get everything ready to make the final move. I am very excited about it and I think it's the best decision for me. He's signing the lease application today for the apartment that we well be sharing. Both of our names are on the lease and it's going to be our true start. I don't have any doubts or negative thoughts about it.

Let the countdown begin. :)

Day Three

This is day three of him being on Ohio. It sucks that he's gone, I miss him very much but it really is going to be ok, I realize that now.

We talked a lot last night about me moving up there sooner than later, and I will be there at the end of the month. I really like what I've seen and heard about Ohio and I'm pretty excited about it. I've looked at apartments and people's pictures of places that they frequent around the area..beautiful. It really isn't even that cold.

The Bob Seger show was last night! It was phenomenal. Rachel and I showed up almost 2 hours late but it was totally worth it. I haven't been that excited in a long time. Loved it.

So, the end of this month should be pretty interesting. I would have to put in my two weeks here next week to be able to do all of the necessary things..it's kinda stressing me out. I think that he feels that if I don't make a move soon then that means that I don't want to be there, which isn't true there's just a lot to do.

I'm staying at my grandparents house tonight and I'm going to have to tell them my plans for leaving..they're going to love it ugh.

Day Two

It's day two of him being gone. It's actually easier, it still sucks but it's easier. He told me today that he really wants me to come up to Ohio, which is actually a good option but we need some time to establish what's going to happen. We have SO much to plan.

I miss him though, very much. Last night was hard going to bed alone in our bed, but I know that he's safe and that he loves me so it's all good.

Day One

It's the first full day since he went to Ohio. Yesterday was surprisingly hard for me, I cried most of the day, and actually woke up today pretty sad as well. My grandparents are worried about me because it's affecting me so much.

I miss him more than I thought I really would, it's terrible. I spoke with him earlier and he said everything is ok and that he's getting a physical today and he's apartment shopping. He has to get an apartment in 5 days so yeah. I really wanna go out there and be with him, I'm tired of Florida.

Sad Day

He left this morning to go to Warren, Ohio for a job. I'm not quite sure if I've ever cried this hard. I told myself that I wouldn't break until he was gone to make it easier for him but I couldn't help it, I lost it in his arms. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be to say goodbye, granted I'll see him in about a month, but it hurts my heart so very much to know that he will be so far away.

San Diego is in sight, where we can just be together and not have to do this anymore. I'll do anything I can to make it happen.

Really?!

"My mom said that you're not the girl for me because you're sick all of the time and when you get older it's just going to cost too much money, you won't see a return."

Are you kidding me? His mother needs to take some pills because that's awful. I've done nothing but try to make him and her happy over the last year and I really resent that statement about me.

I could not have freaked out more when I heard about her saying that, granted she's crazy and I know it but still.

Anywho. I'm over it now but she best not call me again, ever.

2012

It's January 4th, 2012.

Kellen moves to Warren, Ohio in 3 days for a job at a steel plant. It's a permanent job so he will have to get his own apartment there and furnish it and all. It sucks but it is a step in the right direction for him. Unfortunately I can't go because I need to stay here and save money to make a bigger step in my life too.

He got a letter last week from San Diego asking him to fly out 1/30 and take a test for a job that he REALLY wants. So him moving to Ohio and me staying here to save money is all for us to end up in San Diego in 6 months. That's the big goal for 2012.

We can do this, if we work together and I'm really excited for what's to come. I don't like the fact that he's moving away to get his own place in an unknown city and that I'll be here alone in a shitty apartment with a shitty job that barely pays the bills but it's all for the future. All of it and I have to keep telling myself that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel one day; sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't.

I'm just keeping my head held high and asking myself "what can I do to make this day better than the last?"