Slackin'

I've been slacking the past few days. I could say that I've been working a lot and that I've been really busy but I really haven't.

I have however been doing a lot of thinking about everything. I have to call my apartment complex and break the lease. Makes me really sad since it was my first home and it hurts to see it go but I know that if I want to stay with him and keep my life going ahead then it must be done.

I've been working almost every night at the store, it's pretty boring but I do get to see really great clothes, meet great new people, and work on my modeling.

Modeling...so I posted some pictures on modelmayhem.com and have been getting bookings a ton so far..I haven't gone to any because I'm scared to but still. haha...who knows.

Josh started talking to me again yesterday, I haven't talked to him in a good 5 months, it was weird talking to him again. It makes everything so much harder talking to him again. I don't love him anymore, I love Kellen but still it's always going to be a little bit hard knowing that I broke his heart. Tears still come to my eyes when I think of Josh, not because I'm not with him anymore or because he had my heart at one time but because we did have some good times and I did just throw it all away in one single conversation. I didn't give him a chance at all. Well I did, I gave him years of chances but still.

If I ever have to end a relationship again (I hope that I don't ) I will end it the right way with the least amount of pain.

I don't want to be sad. I want to be happy, to move on, to live my life the way that I should be living it; with no regrets or sadness. The past happened, the future will happen, and today has to be the best that I can possibly make it. I can't cry over spilled milk from years ago.