Times are a' changin

I don't think anything else could change in my life right now.

Within the past month I have gotten a new "big girl" job, broke off an engagment, found a new boyfriend, found myself, and found what it means to be treated right.

I feel so much differently about life. There are so many options out there and I should not have wasted the past four years on someone that didn't treat me the way that I deserve. I will never forget him and he was the love of my life for a time, but that time was gone years ago. I can remember when he meant the absolute world to me, I would do anything for him, and now I can't stand to hear his voice, I can't stand to have a simple conversation with him because I know that he is NOT the man that I thought he was. He was nothing special, he was to me at some point in the past four years but not anymore. I don't regret the past, I just wish I had seen what was happening to me and to him.

I have now found a new guy: Kellen Troino. My highschool crush, of all people. He came into my life when I was at my lowest. I had just gotten a great new job and Josh couldn't care less about it, no support, no celebration. I celebrated alone. He has done more for me in the past two weeks than Josh did in four years. He is everything in a guy I have ever looked for, but I guess everyone says that in the beginning. I am trying to find the negative aspects of him, I am looking for something that I don't like and I come up with nothing. I'm not going to say that he's the one, or that I love him, or that I can see us being together forever because those are simply words and they mean nothing. I have said all of those things before and in the end, when it comes down to it, they don't mean anything at all. Actions are what truly matters. I want to treat him like I want to be treated, I want to stop cussing like a sailor, I want to take care of myself, I want to do my best in school for him (well for me too but to show him that he's pushing me). I can see the possibilities between he and I and I want to see what happens, I just don't want to say anything or do anything until I am really ready not because time frames or because someone else says it should happen. He makes me so very happy, I feel alive again, I feel the fire that I missed so much. I feel like I can do anything and all of the motivation that I lacked before is back. I don't care what other people think, I only care about my own happiness and his. In the end, I have stopped caring about everyone else...the only ones that matter are the ones that have always been there no matter what and the fairweathers will never mean anything again.