I dunno

I don't want to do anything. So tired, so lazy.

This past week has been rather odd. Last Sunday, Mother's Day, the condom broke...so almost Mother's Day for me..so went on EC. Wednesday same thing. I feel like shit. Utter shit. I've never been so tired. Kellen has been pretty cool through the whole thing, he's been supportive and understanding. He would do anything for me if I asked him to, I just don't really ask anything of him. I want to try to be as independent as possible, especially since we've only been dating for three months. I've never been treated so well by someone and it's really nice but on the other hand, he has an attitude that matches mine and so when I get upset about something he gets upset because I'm "overreacting" or "complaining".What the fuck.

I'm not crazy, I refuse to be controlling, I refuse to let my heart get into this anymore than it already has until I know that this is something that is true. I thought the past 8 years of relationships were true and they obviously weren't so I want to make sure this time. I think he could be the one, but I'm so scared of making a life with him and then it just ends. I can't do that again.

I'm alone in the apartment a lot more lately. I mean I work all week and he's here and then when I get home he leaves to go see his friends. Not every night mind you, but probably 4 out of 7. Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday afternoon. We live together and I feel like I don't see him that much. I dunno I am just being selfish, I think I just need to make a point to see my friends more.