There's no one else beside you

SO much has happened in the past three months; it's almost hard to process it all.

Got out of Panera, and found a job that actually might get me somewhere.
Broke off a 4 year engagement.
Started a new relationship.
Moved into my own place.
My mom is completely sober.
She's dating Jack and is totally and completely happy.
Graduated college.

Let me just say that I just found out today how sober and happy my mom really is and I just found out a lot about her new relationship with Jack. I couldn't be happier for her, the only reason I'm sad at all is that damn house. Hilliard makes me so terribly sad. I grew up there and even though I couldn't be happier that I don't live there anymore, it makes me horribly sad to look around the house that I grew up in and feel all of those old feelings. My mom said to forget all the sadness and don't have any regrets and I agree with her but you can't turn off memories.

I don't know if Kellen and I will work out, I want us too obviously but I'm trying to stay as positive about he and I as I can and as independent as I can. I don't linger on the phone, I don't ask him tons of questions, I don't text him asking what he's doing a million times a day. I just let things happen. I want trust to actually matter for the first time ever. I trust him but if he hurts me, it's over. I've done too much for him for him to do something to break my trust.

I cried a lot today, on and off. There are so many memories in Hilliard and so much drama with my family that it's hard for someone new in my life like Kellen to understand. When I get sad like that I just want to call Shane, Rachel, or Josh because I know that they will understand but I know that the best person I should be calling is my boyfriend, Kellen. I need him to understand what I've been through, how much my family means to me, but also, how crazy and messed up they actually are. There really isn't any good way to describe it to someone who has no idea especially to not make me look emotionally unstable. Maybe one day he might be ready to deal with it all. But not now, at least I don't think.